Mark Owen - The End Of Everything - T.A.O.D.N.

Sometime in this sweet sweet century,
Oh we will die together.
Oh my love my sweet,
My sweet array, we will surrender.

Sometime before we become enemies,
Can we lay down here somewhere?
Underneath the stars up on a hill, my sweet surrender.
Follow me with your cuts of the deal and all your sorrow,
Enter if you can through all the tears of your parade.

(Chorus):
Is this the end of everything we know?
The end of all we know?
The end of all we’ll ever know?
Is this the end of everything?
End of everything we know?
The fall of all control?
The end of all we know?
All this started something beautiful...

Oh my love, my lust, sweet jubilance,
We’ll never lose our way again.
Until we have need to cry for help,
There will be silence.
Oh sweet melody,
Sing for my queen.
When you are restless, come to rest.
Gentle is the sun,
On hollow ground, on hollow ground.

So hollow..
So hollow..

Sometime in this sweet sweet century,
Oh we will die together.
Sometime in this sweet sweet century.

(Chorus)
Oh Oh Oh...

All this started something beautiful...
You know..
You know..
You know..

4x
Is this the end of everything we know?

Learning to accept

It's just gone midnight and I'm still not in bed.
Got one of those headaches which make me feel numb.

Noisy kids next door made me feel glad we don't have any.
Than again, watching Deana Troi have a kid from baby to 8year old within 2 days on ST Enterprise NG made me feel sad not to.

It's funny how things influence feelings and perceptions.
Things we see, hear and notice without realising.
In my heart I know I don't mind either way, having children or not.
And with modern medicine the "biological clock" has been smashed some time ago.
Even society is catching up with the acceptance of "young mums" at almost any age.
I don't yet feel the need that I must have someone to care for, like an inevitable reason to have a child no matter what and how. At the moment if it happens it happens just like I always thought. Maybe in a few years I would get more obsessed about it, like you do. We'll see what happens.

For now I am taking each day as it comes, not really searching for a purpose, as I feel at this time I pretty much have a daily duty to do. I can fill the dull moments with tasks and take my time to think about ideas I have about my higher calling, or if this is all I am.
Am I meant to be a carer?
At the moment that would be my obligation, yes.

I always thought I am meant to be a thinker. But whether this means that I am a born philosopher or engineer, inventing things, of that I am not certain.
My thinking is based on logic and problem solving, I always tend to see what's wrong and how to best fix it, amend it to my preferred state or result. I know it eggs people on, well those I divulge my opinions to, but I seem not to be able to help it. As if my mind has a mind of it's own. A critical mind by default. Then I think and decide to air my thoughts or keep them to myself. Usually the part I use for thinking before speaking lacks behind and my tongue does the damage.

I read something about risk assessment the other day and that is what happens in my head every second. I look for the problem where there isn't any, and devise solutions to be implemented. The real problem occurs when I expect others to do the same and get no result. I question then my reasoning of coming up for a solution to no problem. If I had just accepted the things that are, I could've moved on to more important things and not wasted my energies getting all worked up and confused.

Engineers search for solutions to problems, practical answers to every day challenges. In philosophy however the focus is more on problems and questions. You wonder about problems what they are, if they are and why they are. Questions and contemplation on how those arise or why. I often ask myself why I expect others to think like me, and how I could think of a solution to a problem which seemed to be bugging only me. Why was it a problem to me? Why did it get only me thinking? Whereas others didn't even seem to take any notice what so clearly poked me in the eye? And I knew the consequences of me having to point out my dilemma. Ridicule and misunderstanding. I wasn't able to make myself clear enough and it all came across as arrogant and snobbish.

I am simply trying to make myself understand why the other person didn't notice what seemed obvious to me. But there is no way to ask of this without questioning their way of thinking. Without seeming superior. As "why didn't YOU think of that?" implies the absence of intelligent thought and cognitive awareness. I don't want to just "pick your brains" to show how dumb you are! I am looking to understand why I just can't let things be, can't let go of useless thought processes which cloud my mind with negativity.

I belief this is what keeps me from truly holding on to happiness. I feel levels of being content but not for long on one specific level. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel unhappy. I love the funny. Enjoy comedy and laughter. And get silly sometimes, more than it is good for me. But sometimes that negativity can be a real buzz-kill. Learning to accept is now my biggest goal.

Accept things as they are, that they are. I might never figure out why I think the way I do, but I can find a way to accept that I do, and others do different. Everyone is different, therefore thinks different. Accepting this proves to be my biggest challenge.
Good night.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Happ-ling

when am i really happy?
i'd like to think of myself as a happy person.
i love comedy, stand-up, movies, anything.
watching something funny is exhilarating.
but is it true happiness, or simply entertainment?
and does it mean that i am happy, only if i 'get' the joke and find the funny? laugh?
if others find it silly and don't laugh because they might not 'get' it, does this signify the lack of happiness in their life?
Maybe everyone has their own personal definition of happiness.
what seems loneliness to one, could mean bliss for another?
for me it is comedy!
i simply can't go a day without laughter, even if i laugh at myself.
not making fun of others, but seeing the funny side of things.

iPad

iPad now at 25% battery, and still going now for two straight days. But to be honest I am not using it to the max yet.
It's really great for newspapers and magazines.
And blogging :)
Video quality is ace!
And this is much neater and more practical then a web or notebook anytime, well for my needs anyways.

my iPad, brand new :)

Haven't charged the iPad since 24h straight.
Trying to test the battery.
And everything else on it :)
Facepad wouldn't load before the 4.0 update.
Pictures and videos are brilliant. It's fun to just play around with it all.
Oh, and on Monarch make sure the account details are correct, or it will quit on you.
Ok, that's it for now.
Just loaded music studio lite, and can't wait to test it! C ya...

email, facebook, twitter?

supposed to make life more interesting.
seems to me this all adds more timewasting and really jumbles up ones priority list.
keep in touch
shout out opinions
it helps lonlyness though, well, on one side.
on the other it confines you to the front of the so much worshiped pc or laptop and you seem consumed by information just in front of you.
until recently i saw it all just as a easy way to communicate and maybe a bit of fun.
then the panic:
all vital apps on my mac just vanished!
mail, addressbook, im's, even safari and firefox!
poof - all was gone.
a virus? on a mac system? can't be!
when it happened i just unzipped a new download.
and only affected the apps. only a few were left, strangely.
some adobe air programs in utilities and some which none were basic system apps.
then it dawned, without any apps to go 'online' what was i going to do?
i have my backup disks, of course, but the apps?? who backs those up?
well, i might mention that my system was a hand-me-down, and did not include any OS disks.
then my idea - get the apps online! - doh!!
how get online with no apps!!!
thats some pickle!

there you can see how we depend our communications on systems which could fail.
and we are immediately stuck.
still in front of the screen but stuck.
and then we think, how did we manage before it?
i don't remember it being boring, or impossible to get through the day.

we are all creatures of habit, i suppose.
getting used to technologies and learning the joy and to indulge in the comfort and safety of our home and anonymity.

we panic at the thought of not being able to access that freedom of communicating and sharing of - for us - important information, at our own choice.

Mark - our Heart..

..bright at night
nice and wise
you write your life

your eyes - no lies
so blue for you
and hazel - amazin'

your love - like a dove
with grace - no race
you've got her trust

another chance to make amends
for the joy of your boy
to see your girl, dance and twirl..

without no doubt
no heart no Mark
no soul, not whole

so, keep! you'll need
her touch so much.
her light, so bright.

you wink, we think
a dream and scream
underneath we breath
increase of peace

you give, we live
you smile - a while
oh my! - a sigh.

you rock our worlds
with words, and shirts
so wet - with sweat ;)

we're stunned and want
the core, and more.
your move, so smooth.

you shine, our time
of fun, and the sun
you bring when you sing.

with storm, but warm
you care and share
your trance with us - your fans.

your song, so strong
and pure, our cure
and heal, we feel
no ache and take
the ride - beside.
amused and loose
all fear, my dear.

on your way, we stay
in touch so much
hold hands as friends
with mark, our heart.

by Rene.
xx