when popstars cheat

its easter, and mark owen is still in rehab.

who sets the price you have to pay for infidelity?
your therapist? the management?
the wife who was cheated upon?

or the girls who he cheated with?
his cheating, as i see it, could have been just another symptom.

in another newspaper article it was mentioned he has phases of melancholy and whispered "Help me" into his drink before going all boozy high.
high excitability and deep thoughts of sadness go hand in hand.
the wide ever-smiling grin seemingly genuine, just covering a possible depression?
underlined by extreme shyness.
its a recipe of regret.

bipolar? in a man? maybe?
but where can you find the cause? the source for such misery?

alcohol - excuse for self-destruction?
but why drink? why smoke? why have nerves to be tamed?
insecure?

for me it was my childhood, to many times being told what i'm doing wrong, and more than that, not being told when things go right. i drew back into my shell.
some have expectations to meet, and the fear to fail.

i think we all have our unique way to self-destruct.
and few find their way through.
transform negative energy into positive.

xx

downsize

starting to downsize in possessions.
all excess to be sold on eBay.

what is really needed?
simple things, just enough stuff you use every day.

i started to de-clutter, well the few things i have and don't ever seem to use.
everyone has their favorite things they use day in day out.
why not just stick to those and rid yourself of all else?
so if the day comes all can fit in the car and your off to new adventures..

one handbag, one purse, just the ones you really love and use constantly anyway..
the favorite jeans you wear for weeks (well, not really in one go though).
couple of t-shirts and a few more sophisticated clothing for going out, or showing off..

the electric guitar you've always wanted, and everything with an 'apple' on.
well, the affordable i-series products at least..

and there you go.
no complications, no worry about, what shoes to wear today?
two pairs of trainers, boots and the elegant high heels.
a coat, a jacket, the fitting scarf and leather gloves.

i'm not a hat-person, so scratch those...

less distractions make for better focus on what you want.
you take more care, cause the items are dear to you.

self-storage? waste of space..
why store what will never come in use again?

i can hear women screaming country-wide.
10 bags and 5x more in shoes - the standard stock take in common wardrobes..
20 jeans, all the same, half don't fit but take up space.
tops and shirts galore, and each shopping trip adds to it more and more.

the shelves are stuffed, the walk-in bursts at its seams.
we crave the pleasure to have and keep, though no-one ever needs.

thx for reading :)

threat to your marriage!?

read...
Bel Mooney

and my reply:

i think its individual, if someone cheats or not. forgives or not. everyone has their own set of rules and values. for some it fits, some it doesn't. to suggest media influences social moral values on one side, and depreciate the value of loyalty the forgiving wives are upholding on the other is similar to comparing the effect of published evidence of violence in media to the disapproval of rehabilitation schemes for convicted underprivileged who simply don't know it better due to their upbringing and circumstantial environment. everyone deserves a second, third or even tenth chance. if the partner is supportive and understanding. cheating, in my opinion, is mostly the symptom of a deeper and more fundamental cause. and cheating celebrities making it 'ok' to cheat for everyone, because the partner displays the act of loyalty and love by forgiving? if any influence then one of love and support. that strength by the forgiving wives is what i'd take out from all of this. thx

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editor's supplemental (star-time:456547) - me, bit of a trekkie :)
well, i know media can affect us all, but i think what we see in the media about celebs is a magnified reflection of our own little do's and don't-s, but because they're in the limelight everyone, well, mainly over excited reporters and columnists, get all hyper if anyone steps out of line, but on the other side they can't wait for it so there's work to do, and the mortgage needs paying. we all have our weaknesses and flaws and if anything stories like those recently about our loved role models make them so much more accessible and real. and because they are loved by their fans we can forgive, too. just like the wives who decide to stand by their side and help understand what really causes the faux pas.. well maybe cheating is considered more then just that. but getting to the base is the point. and if it won't kill the partnership, it certainly will make it stronger and the hard earned trust will carry more value for both then ever before. the split as the ultimate punishment is also a milestone for each involved and lessons can still be learned.

i understand its not for every one. i am one of the forgiving ones, but i got to tell you one thing, its so much easier to give up and split. the pain is the same though. so either way there is suffering. you can't avoid it. in my case i could draw strength each time, and now i am the happiest i have ever been. but as i said, its not for everyone.

i have to add, the first time was more of a misunderstanding then actual cheating.
i was still naive enough to mistake un-communicated expectations as strict and both side-ly wholly accepted rules. i tried to be 'cool' with it, thinking he would get the 'irony' of it and keep his side of the 'pact'. a pact i had only agreed on on my own. never think unspoken preferences or individual obvious understandings are obvious to the other. i had to learn and accept that the hard way. everyone i know will under no circumstances share my attitude towards partnership and love, at least not to the level i value my marriage, or more, my relationship with my partner, so called husband. i always felt not worthy being a 'wife' i seemed to get everything wrong from the start. now i understand that marriage is much more then just a committed partnership.
some might suggest my loved one 'groomed' me the way he wanted me to be, to accept my role quietly and purr like a cat. i learned to share is to love. to accept is to have. to be there is to hold and be held. to love is to be loved. i never dreamed to share my love with someone else. i thought, to be loved meant to have sole ownership of the privilege to have a person for yourself only, and nobody other can even get as close as to touch. in a way i am thankful now, for having gone through the experience and the understanding i've gained. i am not saying to be happy in a relationship you have to let your partner cheat, or knowingly let him have someone on the side. i have come the my conclusion in my case and through my experience.

its another level of companionship.
for me. and that fills me with comfort and results in happiness.

i had anger issues, and anger still surfaces from time to time.
which made the whole process the more challenging.
reading literature on the Buddhist view on how to deal with anger made me understand practices to help calm down and react rational. instead of bottle-ing it up i learned to accept and keep my view on what i need for preserving comfort and assurance. i realized if i simply take things as they are and learn to appreciate the company of my sweetie i am able to enjoy it much more. putting Buddhist views and attitudes into practice enabled me to focus on what i really love and hold that dear. in my case deep rooted insecurities caused damaging fear and resulted in the symptom of anger which surfaced every time i feared that my husband would have enough and find a more agreeing and accepting willing individual to share his company. we have gone through everything possible and it took all of his love to get here.

expectations are a real burden, and a habit that sticks like treacle.
so easy to hold up to someone, and so challenging and certainly impossible to fulfill.

and changes, used to panic me. my head would fill with 'what-if's'. it scares me if i don't know whats up next. and the panic was a unhealthy distraction from enjoying what's to come.

on a 'house' episode today i found a fitting 5-step process analogy.
denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance

its a painstaking process, but for me it was all worth it.
and it still is. buddhism eases the blocking effect of anger.
once through the bargaining and 'crying' phase accepting the things finally is the sweetest part and enables me to fully enjoy what i have and cherish the togetherness.

peace and happy companionship - every one! take care...

almighty clouds

today i look up into the sky
bright clouds are passing by

the wind so fast and restless
guides them along so fearless

i feel the air embrace my face
my mind all whirling like a mace

spirit rising high above and ride
away with almighty clouds beside.

public footpath..

every day, when i look out the window from the office, i can see the sign 'Public Footpath'.
pointing to the right it directs the way to shortcut behind the houses and back gardens.

how funny it is that with all our individual independence we still find ourselves following pre-designed paths. we wouldn't sneak through private gardens or jump borderline fences to get to where we want.

yet we require 'shortcuts' or pathways to speed up the journey and save ourselves time,
time we waste otherwise in useless conversations and arguments.

we could utilize that time to be fully aware of the journey we are about to endeavor.
walk the whole way instead of taking the convenient shortcut.
and enjoy the journey as it is meant to be.

but in this day in age we urge to simply 'get things done' as quick and easy as humanly possible.
the first book i ever read was called "Momo" by michael ende - it is about the concept of time and how it is used by humans in modern societies (courtesy of wikipedia).
that book captivated me like no other before. it made me think about time and people.
the start of a journey that should lead me to - which i know now - a way of philosophical thinking which i hadn't achieved otherwise.

i learned to take my time to think about all sorts of objects and subjects.
growing up in a matriarchy and not getting on to well with my 'beloved' mother i did have a lot of time spending on my own, mostly within the walls of my rebelliously chaotic mess called room.
being quiet in speech, i was rather noisy in actions and used to irate my sole entity of authority tremendously.

now, knowing of the bliss such ordeal brought up for me, i can understand the 'bottled up' anger i channeled in actions like refusing to obey at times or simply to draw myself back into mediocrity.
i can now realize this as blessing in disguise.
if i wouldn't have come across the book.
or succeeded in making my mother truly proud, maybe there was a time when i did, but with
her failing to show me positive acknowledgment, i managed to convince myself that i'm just one
of those who can't do thing right, and by thinking well, 'why bother' i played myself into a corner
where you get to annoy people and you end up spending time on your own. - thinking.
i grew to like being on my own, now, all grown up the only regret is that the big disadvantage in 'being on your own' is that you grow yourself a huge 'issue' with socializing - with that being increasingly unavoidable in this day in age, you can see the clearly forced upon compromise.
even though i find it difficult making friends, i can easily compromise big amounts of friends confined on light chit chat which mainly adds up to nothing more than nonsense.

But without any of that, my path or journey would have led me to a different door, and i would have stepped through and became a different person, and that would be a real shame, because as a different person i would have never done the things which led me to meet my lovely partner(in love and friendship!) who taught me true understanding and support, and my little darling nice(my sister-in-law's little girl) would have never shown me a type of unconditional esteem and trust i had never imagined could exist between two beings.
thank you!

just a little thank you to the blog entry which made me think back today.

on alistair's blog

it was the first picture which took me right back to being a teenager,
‘path of puberty’ went through my mind.
when the scary thought rises that being a girl is not
done by simply wearing a dress and having long hair.
you discover parts and (monthly) processes you were not aware of
before. feeling shame, trying to hide it, but thinking
everyone can see in your face whats going on.
then the door at the end..when you understand that the
path you walked was a privilege and you step through
having become a woman.

i love art when it gets you to places you won’t even
dream of anymore…

take care!

point of view

what i find interesting on my daily adventure is how we all tend to perceive things one way or the other.
where the cause is identical, still responses vary.

weight-loss is widely seen as a goal happily rewarded by respect and support.
the hard work is acknowledged.

but at what point does it go to far?
or at what point do we generally perceive it as 'gone to far'?

does it happen when envy sets in?
when we realize that even we couldn't do it better ourselves?

there is the health question too, yes, that is an understatement.

but in some cases opinions go as far as almost wishing for an unhealthy lifestyle, simply to pertain the 'image' they are used to, and all hard work and effort is reduced to obsession.

celebrities have a right to feel better about themselves.
if we find that hard to accept, we might have to re-focus our point of view.
ref.: stephen fry

bbc on Jay-Z

i must say, i am not the typical hip-hop, R'nB or Rap target market, but i do respect talent when i see it!
watched tonight on bbc1 - imagine feat. Jay-Z
and was really disappointed by the end.
usually bbc gets all the facts right, but in a way, mostly when the report is about any other than a 'proud to be British' artist in any kind or form, they always manage to leave a strange and bitter taste...
Jay-Z worked very hard to get to where he is right now, and coming from that background it is more likely to win the bloody lottery jackpot.
its hard enough, and you gotta work 10 times harder just to get half the success..
saying, he caused quite a stir at Glastonbury?? my [@$%&] spoon causes a stir in my cup!
he managed to raise the roof at an open air event! - open air! when the people jumped it was like the planet got resuscitated from a coma of ignorance and contempt.
times are changing and we should give those who really care to make a difference honest credit and gratitude, there are still only a few handfuls of those who ARE history, and if we make it seem like nothing because we can't bare the thread of acknowledging our own mediocrity then we are not worth of even becoming history ourselves.
its sad to see that the bbc seems to fear that thread.
i will keep watching, for the facts, and i think my mind is (still) clear and open enough to make up my own.
rappers are the true poets of our time and we should never underestimate or belittle the value of the message or the hard work behind it to get the message heard...
thank you..