downsize

starting to downsize in possessions.
all excess to be sold on eBay.

what is really needed?
simple things, just enough stuff you use every day.

i started to de-clutter, well the few things i have and don't ever seem to use.
everyone has their favorite things they use day in day out.
why not just stick to those and rid yourself of all else?
so if the day comes all can fit in the car and your off to new adventures..

one handbag, one purse, just the ones you really love and use constantly anyway..
the favorite jeans you wear for weeks (well, not really in one go though).
couple of t-shirts and a few more sophisticated clothing for going out, or showing off..

the electric guitar you've always wanted, and everything with an 'apple' on.
well, the affordable i-series products at least..

and there you go.
no complications, no worry about, what shoes to wear today?
two pairs of trainers, boots and the elegant high heels.
a coat, a jacket, the fitting scarf and leather gloves.

i'm not a hat-person, so scratch those...

less distractions make for better focus on what you want.
you take more care, cause the items are dear to you.

self-storage? waste of space..
why store what will never come in use again?

i can hear women screaming country-wide.
10 bags and 5x more in shoes - the standard stock take in common wardrobes..
20 jeans, all the same, half don't fit but take up space.
tops and shirts galore, and each shopping trip adds to it more and more.

the shelves are stuffed, the walk-in bursts at its seams.
we crave the pleasure to have and keep, though no-one ever needs.

thx for reading :)

threat to your marriage!?

read...
Bel Mooney

and my reply:

i think its individual, if someone cheats or not. forgives or not. everyone has their own set of rules and values. for some it fits, some it doesn't. to suggest media influences social moral values on one side, and depreciate the value of loyalty the forgiving wives are upholding on the other is similar to comparing the effect of published evidence of violence in media to the disapproval of rehabilitation schemes for convicted underprivileged who simply don't know it better due to their upbringing and circumstantial environment. everyone deserves a second, third or even tenth chance. if the partner is supportive and understanding. cheating, in my opinion, is mostly the symptom of a deeper and more fundamental cause. and cheating celebrities making it 'ok' to cheat for everyone, because the partner displays the act of loyalty and love by forgiving? if any influence then one of love and support. that strength by the forgiving wives is what i'd take out from all of this. thx

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editor's supplemental (star-time:456547) - me, bit of a trekkie :)
well, i know media can affect us all, but i think what we see in the media about celebs is a magnified reflection of our own little do's and don't-s, but because they're in the limelight everyone, well, mainly over excited reporters and columnists, get all hyper if anyone steps out of line, but on the other side they can't wait for it so there's work to do, and the mortgage needs paying. we all have our weaknesses and flaws and if anything stories like those recently about our loved role models make them so much more accessible and real. and because they are loved by their fans we can forgive, too. just like the wives who decide to stand by their side and help understand what really causes the faux pas.. well maybe cheating is considered more then just that. but getting to the base is the point. and if it won't kill the partnership, it certainly will make it stronger and the hard earned trust will carry more value for both then ever before. the split as the ultimate punishment is also a milestone for each involved and lessons can still be learned.

i understand its not for every one. i am one of the forgiving ones, but i got to tell you one thing, its so much easier to give up and split. the pain is the same though. so either way there is suffering. you can't avoid it. in my case i could draw strength each time, and now i am the happiest i have ever been. but as i said, its not for everyone.

i have to add, the first time was more of a misunderstanding then actual cheating.
i was still naive enough to mistake un-communicated expectations as strict and both side-ly wholly accepted rules. i tried to be 'cool' with it, thinking he would get the 'irony' of it and keep his side of the 'pact'. a pact i had only agreed on on my own. never think unspoken preferences or individual obvious understandings are obvious to the other. i had to learn and accept that the hard way. everyone i know will under no circumstances share my attitude towards partnership and love, at least not to the level i value my marriage, or more, my relationship with my partner, so called husband. i always felt not worthy being a 'wife' i seemed to get everything wrong from the start. now i understand that marriage is much more then just a committed partnership.
some might suggest my loved one 'groomed' me the way he wanted me to be, to accept my role quietly and purr like a cat. i learned to share is to love. to accept is to have. to be there is to hold and be held. to love is to be loved. i never dreamed to share my love with someone else. i thought, to be loved meant to have sole ownership of the privilege to have a person for yourself only, and nobody other can even get as close as to touch. in a way i am thankful now, for having gone through the experience and the understanding i've gained. i am not saying to be happy in a relationship you have to let your partner cheat, or knowingly let him have someone on the side. i have come the my conclusion in my case and through my experience.

its another level of companionship.
for me. and that fills me with comfort and results in happiness.

i had anger issues, and anger still surfaces from time to time.
which made the whole process the more challenging.
reading literature on the Buddhist view on how to deal with anger made me understand practices to help calm down and react rational. instead of bottle-ing it up i learned to accept and keep my view on what i need for preserving comfort and assurance. i realized if i simply take things as they are and learn to appreciate the company of my sweetie i am able to enjoy it much more. putting Buddhist views and attitudes into practice enabled me to focus on what i really love and hold that dear. in my case deep rooted insecurities caused damaging fear and resulted in the symptom of anger which surfaced every time i feared that my husband would have enough and find a more agreeing and accepting willing individual to share his company. we have gone through everything possible and it took all of his love to get here.

expectations are a real burden, and a habit that sticks like treacle.
so easy to hold up to someone, and so challenging and certainly impossible to fulfill.

and changes, used to panic me. my head would fill with 'what-if's'. it scares me if i don't know whats up next. and the panic was a unhealthy distraction from enjoying what's to come.

on a 'house' episode today i found a fitting 5-step process analogy.
denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance

its a painstaking process, but for me it was all worth it.
and it still is. buddhism eases the blocking effect of anger.
once through the bargaining and 'crying' phase accepting the things finally is the sweetest part and enables me to fully enjoy what i have and cherish the togetherness.

peace and happy companionship - every one! take care...