male or female?

caster semenya, 18 years, female.

and she wouldn't have come this far if she wouldn't be a woman!

why should she lie about being female?
i had once, well, ok maybe several times to face a situation where somebody couldn't place me clearly in the male or female changing-room in an indoor-swimming pool at school.
the short hair and coarse voice didn't make that any easier.
but i can tell u one thing, i would have loved to pass as male.
puberty came along and that made it even more confusing.

however, i turned out fine in the end.
keeping the long hair now, though.

had i faked to be a boy, nobody would have called me 'neanderthal girl', so why should i possibly have thought of faking that i am a girl? live would've been much easier.

regarding semenya and her ordeal having to prove every single time her sex, is just another way to make it difficult for good honest and hard working athletes.

she even thought of boycott, but that's exactly what opponents would want.
and the gender test? are there regulations in athletics which dictate a recommended amount of male or female hormones developed through natural production?
so if someone produces naturally more testosterone than estrogen, will they be regulatory-ly classified as advantaged to 'normal-hormone-leveled' women and therefore are not eligibly qualified to take part in competitions, cause the others might think its not 'fair'??

should all women with an extra-ordinary high amount of testosterone have a championship on their own? - surely not!
how about men with an high level of estrogen??

i think we had enough 'classification' in the past 200years for the next couple of 1000 years!

semenya might have had an easier start in life been born a man, but who are we to deny her, her success, she clearly worked very hard for.

and as for classifications, how to place usein bolt? superhuman? even men cant catch up with him! so if women cant catch up with caster semenya, they will just simply have to - deal with it!
just as the runners usein left behind....

if nature brings forward some exceptional athletes every now and again, we should celebrate and appreciate them for what they do, what they deliver, and not whether their appearance suits our expectations or vehemently trying to find a fault or delinquency.

you don't have to be 'male' to be strong and deliver astonishing results.
women have it hard enough, we don't need doubt regarding our sex on top of that.
give us a chance to feel proud of what we are able to achieve, and not reason to feel guilty for being the best a woman can be.

envy is the mother of doubt, and doubt divides us.
lets work together to achieve results through healthy competition, not humiliation and disbelieve. the photos speak for themselves, the result is what really matters, whether the image fits or not. thank you.

hands up for the worlds fastest - women.

2009 caster semenya, 800m, 1:55.45


1983, Jarmila Kratochvilova, 800m, 1:53.28



2008, Pamela Jelimo, 800m, 1:54.01

bible bites - john 9,31

'now we know that god heareth not sinners; but if any man be a worshipper of god, and doeth his will, him he heareth. '

this is the classic cite trying to tell churchgoers to follow god and do his will.
well, brought up catholic, however, i started wondering why something this simple had to be written down at all. to me its common sense - so i thought - that if you do things out of the norm you won't be accepted.

having that in writing somehow undermined my practical intelligence.
a manual for moral behavior and - to make sure you stick to it - a note of the consequences, if anyone may step out of line.

Christianity is a perfect concept for individuals who need guidance in their life.
But what does this mean for people who are quite happy using their own life experiences to guide them through life?

citations like the one above encourage ignorance.
and that's - to me - the opposite of teaching love and unity.

who determines 'gods will'? the priest? vicar? reverend?
the congregation?

local communities are more likely to just accept to co-exist with other cultures.
their lives merely take coherent paths - side by side, but not together, in unity.

those paths naturally cross from time to time.
at work, in shops, public amenities...

but each 'culture' vehemently follows their own set of rules, and presumes that the other will have entirely different ideologies to their own.
which, having just analyzed the cite above, makes no sense at all.
as all worldly manuals simply inherit the common sense universally.
that's at least to my understanding, having read about some of the major religions and cultures.

to me it borders to amusement that we all follow the same basic principals, but each of us by themselves, thinking the others must be wrong. won't that make us wrong too?

thank you for reading...

some more..

here an example of light&shadow... taken some time ago...
i purely played with a web cam using a desk lamp for the light
and shadow effect..


on the next i used the PS filter artistic - accented edges..
the picture being from the artwork of Mark Owen's 'Greenman'.

i just love the tranquility in the photo and wanted to capture the illumination of the peacefulness in the scene. the vibrant color accentuation expresses the mood captured by the photo.
there is also another picture from the same album artwork i added last to this entry, which however doesn't require enhancement...enjoy..

colored pencil

i just love to play around using photoshop...

using the filter artistic - colored pencil.

i don't like photos being taken of me, but using filters in PS to add a touch of art to the picture works for me and i quite like the results.

also playing with light and shadow.
you can easily hide imperfections.
don't we all have those from time to time.

thank you and good bye. xx

monkey baby

torture or last chance?

its sad to witness couples using a monkey as baby substitude.
it is clearly animal cruelty in my opinion.

but i also recognize the emotional impact it has on the couples. it encourages the sense for responsibility.

i feel for animals and that level of selfishness goes to far.

some of the featured monkey mommies seem to have serious emotional issues, and keeping a wild animal in a human way just doesnt seem fair.

this is a free world and if some mistake love for obsession then it is up to the individual. personally its not for me. i value the freedom of animals to much to get to that state of delusion. but i guess if it helps - c'est la vie...

just one thing - true love can let go, and accept the unacceptable.

my mindfulness

breathing...
practice - keeps me calm.
discipline - keeps me focused.
tidiness - keeps me organized.
cleanliness - keeps me fresh and my mind clear.
learning - develops my horizon.
understanding - ensures an open mind.
realization - protects me from ignorance.

mistakes and failure are the basis of all - realize, understand, learn, clean, tidy, progress discipline.
breathing enables me to get through failure and i can realize mistakes.
to keep me focused and work out new ways and adapt methods to enhance my discipline.
my path to motivation. my purpose in life - keep my motivation.
thank you
Rene

negative experiences manifest in inhibitions, positive encourage motivation.
Focus on the Positive!

one of these days..

strange, i am having a down day today.
funny how kids dont have down days..
we only develop that ability later in live.
or is it a habit? must be.
or hormonal.
i guess all of it.
but on the other hand, i can remember feeling sad early in life.
missing out on that widely healthy mother daughter bond.
not that my mother left or died, which - thinking of it now - would have made it somehow easier. in my case anyway.
i used to think all the time, what am i doing wrong?
how can i make her proud?
and when i thought, yes, lets try this, she'll see i can do it.
i had the intention and all that, but when it came to show her, i was struck down with anxiety every time. i got so shaky - sh**ing my pants and just froze.
and in a way just like a hound she could smell the fear i guess, and wham, i was again the unable useless teenager she usually made me believe i was.
this haunts me until today. the feeling of mediocrity.
so when things fail i can literally hear her criticize me in and out.
i know its easy to blame her, or her mother who was the same or worse.
or we can climb up the vast family tree and try figure who started it all.
to find motivation is hard these days.
for one, the current economy, and also its holiday time.
and as a freelancer you are at work everywhere and every time.
finding something you can successfully accomplish might be the boost for me today.
but how do you get over the 'can't be bothered' attitude?
when i cared for a toddler some time ago, there was no time for that.
there was always something to do.
being there for the child was priority one, so all the other stuff which has to be done, you squeeze in the time you have in between naps(not your own!), or shifts(it wasn't 24/7 care.)
it was 24/5 care so we had some time off. all the respect goes to the mothers/fathers out there who struggle to keep all going!
but it showed me one insight. i thought i would be just like my mother, strict and nagging all the time, but to my surprise i just loved spending time playing and showing the little sunshine how this or that works. she used to be very inquisitive. and me - not having the slightest idea about childcare - showed her all she wanted to see and touch. i had a brief job in health care working with the elderly and at times some suffering from Alzheimer, so in a way i applied that knowledge and experience to caring for a 2year old.
and nanny 911 ;)
approaching every situation with care and respect like that, i learned to listen to what she needs.
noted the things she didn't like and adapt to alternatives.
but what i noticed, which was to me quite an eyeopener, was that if you are able to focus on the positive behavior and adapt that principal to your own actions, the child will almost certainly copy that and experience the same joy and happiness.
in the beginning she used to have vivid tantrums when her mum left her with us.
she panicked in a strange way the very moment she sensed that her mum is about to get up to go. that's now where nanny911 came into play. i guess if its not your own flesh and blood it is easier to follow the 'ignore' rule. but it worked wonders.
we used to just leave her cry alone sitting on the 'naughty' - chair.
and i found it sometimes amusing when - once she had calmed down a bit - i used to go in the room asking her if she was finished yet, and if we could go now and bake a cake.
she realized - at 2! - that to cry is boring, and making cake is more fun.
i used to feel bad when she had those tantrums, and one time we played sitting on the floor, and she asked about mum, where she'd gone, i explained that she'd gone to work and will be back at the end of the week, and she got upset.
the tears started rolling, her breathing got quicker and her heart was racing..
i recognized that from when i used to get upset when my mother got my heart racing.
so i sat there quietly and asked her to put her hand on the chest, i did the same and i showed her to breath in deep and slowly out. she calmed down much quicker than usual.
i assured her that her mum will be back Friday and she needn't worry.
so once she was calm it wasn't so bad anymore. it seemed she looked at it in a more rational way.
we continued playing, and later she wanted to make a cake for her mum when she comes.
she came to terms with her situation which she couldn't control.

so if i look at my situation now, feeling down, i can look at what has gone wrong today?
if i look at it being calm and in a rational way it won't look all that bad.
and coming to terms with failure and to focus on how i can try another way to make it work could lighten the mood in a sustainable way. so when i next come to a similar point i will have a formula to deal with the situation and just get on with my day - knowing what is important.

thank you.
something to engage in thought upon...

strangely i feel the urge to bake a cake....
take care.

racial discrimination - counter conspiracy

this blog entry made me think.
so i came up with one of my own...
matt kirshen's blog

..but read his entry first...it'll make you think too.

ok, here goes my story.
my sweety had trouble with the light on our car - he couldn't dimm it.
he was on his way to pick me up.
and would you've guessed it? - got stopped by the police.
a casual dressed black african driving down a lane in a rather posh area in a 5series BMW.
ok, it was dark and anyone keeping on flashing the light on and off would've been stopped - i guess?!
anyway, he - as usual - polite and nicely answering all 'procedural' questions.
as they gotta do their job according to rules and regulations, policies, you see.
but 45 min. of questioning?
checking everything possible on the car.
ok, fact was that there were reports of cars being stolen, so the level of caution was higher then at the other time - when i encountered the most nice officer when i ran out of petrol.
that time he never asked me anything - apart from what 'BMW' stands for, additional to that i must add - i was a very innocent looking white german born woman in my 20's. so anything i said was taken for granted, so where was the policy there? no regulations?
so are procedures more like a suggestion? how one could handle the situation?
what if i had stolen the car?
my hubby explained everything, but they wouldn't take it.
i was worried waiting, so i started walking towards him and saw what kept him.
as soon as i arrived, and confirmed his story, they quickly eased up on him.
policy?
is that instituional discrimination?
a conspiracy to be hard on ethnic minorities? to fuel aggression and ensure the need for
security, policies and regulations as excuses to discriminate?
and why is there more police presence in so called 'posh' or 'save' areas?
and where they would actually do their job and be worth their money, it is mayhem.
and crime is mostly concentrated in areas with little or no police presence.
how about this:
lets all be nice and polite to officers.
see what happens?
i bet, they'll go mental - fear of job loss?
or have a fab time down at the doughnut shop ;)
its good to keep the streets save.
but who gave them the right to apply their policies as they feel? might that be another policy?
have a nice day, and be nice to each other. cop or no cop.