public footpath..

every day, when i look out the window from the office, i can see the sign 'Public Footpath'.
pointing to the right it directs the way to shortcut behind the houses and back gardens.

how funny it is that with all our individual independence we still find ourselves following pre-designed paths. we wouldn't sneak through private gardens or jump borderline fences to get to where we want.

yet we require 'shortcuts' or pathways to speed up the journey and save ourselves time,
time we waste otherwise in useless conversations and arguments.

we could utilize that time to be fully aware of the journey we are about to endeavor.
walk the whole way instead of taking the convenient shortcut.
and enjoy the journey as it is meant to be.

but in this day in age we urge to simply 'get things done' as quick and easy as humanly possible.
the first book i ever read was called "Momo" by michael ende - it is about the concept of time and how it is used by humans in modern societies (courtesy of wikipedia).
that book captivated me like no other before. it made me think about time and people.
the start of a journey that should lead me to - which i know now - a way of philosophical thinking which i hadn't achieved otherwise.

i learned to take my time to think about all sorts of objects and subjects.
growing up in a matriarchy and not getting on to well with my 'beloved' mother i did have a lot of time spending on my own, mostly within the walls of my rebelliously chaotic mess called room.
being quiet in speech, i was rather noisy in actions and used to irate my sole entity of authority tremendously.

now, knowing of the bliss such ordeal brought up for me, i can understand the 'bottled up' anger i channeled in actions like refusing to obey at times or simply to draw myself back into mediocrity.
i can now realize this as blessing in disguise.
if i wouldn't have come across the book.
or succeeded in making my mother truly proud, maybe there was a time when i did, but with
her failing to show me positive acknowledgment, i managed to convince myself that i'm just one
of those who can't do thing right, and by thinking well, 'why bother' i played myself into a corner
where you get to annoy people and you end up spending time on your own. - thinking.
i grew to like being on my own, now, all grown up the only regret is that the big disadvantage in 'being on your own' is that you grow yourself a huge 'issue' with socializing - with that being increasingly unavoidable in this day in age, you can see the clearly forced upon compromise.
even though i find it difficult making friends, i can easily compromise big amounts of friends confined on light chit chat which mainly adds up to nothing more than nonsense.

But without any of that, my path or journey would have led me to a different door, and i would have stepped through and became a different person, and that would be a real shame, because as a different person i would have never done the things which led me to meet my lovely partner(in love and friendship!) who taught me true understanding and support, and my little darling nice(my sister-in-law's little girl) would have never shown me a type of unconditional esteem and trust i had never imagined could exist between two beings.
thank you!

just a little thank you to the blog entry which made me think back today.

on alistair's blog

it was the first picture which took me right back to being a teenager,
‘path of puberty’ went through my mind.
when the scary thought rises that being a girl is not
done by simply wearing a dress and having long hair.
you discover parts and (monthly) processes you were not aware of
before. feeling shame, trying to hide it, but thinking
everyone can see in your face whats going on.
then the door at the end..when you understand that the
path you walked was a privilege and you step through
having become a woman.

i love art when it gets you to places you won’t even
dream of anymore…

take care!